The pseudo alpha male

If you were to look up on Google or in any standard English dictionary, what an ‘alpha male’ means, you would probably be astounded by the facts and features of an alpha male. (A briefly put explanation http://chadhowsefitness.com/2012/11/25-characteristics-of-an-alpha-male )

This commentary here isn’t about alpha males. It’s about men who think they are alphas but actually are only looking forward to attract and win over the opposite sex by using their charms. Their nonchalant attitude makes them approachable and they’re sarcastically sober enough, until you talk to them in their tone. Recently, a friend shared an incident with me which left me wondering why exactly this pseudo alpha male attitude is toxic to the society.

Her friend walked past her room and knocked on her door on his way out. Now this isn’t anything wrong to do, right? But the girl was inside the room. She hurriedly opened the door to answer the knock and was dumbfounded. Remember when as kids we used to ring bells and run away, something of the sort had happened here too, just that she saw him walk past. Now I am just eager to know what his purpose here was. Did he want sugar or water like typical Indian soap drama? Or did he have an emergency and needed help?

Dear such pseudo alpha men, this is for you.

You need to realize that everyone loves their personal space and your insignificant interruptions are not welcome at all. You do not realize that someone might not be interested in talking to you all the time. Were you aware if she is in the room? Was there an unforeseen situation? Did you care enough to apologize? Did you even realize that ‘okay I might have made a mistake there’? If the answer is no then you should know that you need to stop. You need to go back and use that mirror for more than physical admirations. Look into yourself as you see your reflection.

Maybe the girl will not answer her door at the first knock now. She won’t be comfortable in talking to you anymore.  She will not come up to you for help even if she is in a problem inside her room. The only recurring thought in her mind will be ‘why?’ There is such a fine line between friendliness and intruding the personal space that I can already hear half of the readers saying, ‘so what’?

If you think people look up to you, then also learn to live up to them. Be inspirational and not reprobate. It’s always evident when you go an extra step ahead, to make a move that you feel will bring you closer to the opposite gender. Maybe that worked for you in high school. But as you grow adults you realise, it only makes the other person over-conscious and uncomfortable. When someone reverts back to you in a way by which you get uncomfortable, you will walk away or bring in unnecessary details, irrelevant to the discussion. Don’t let your ego get hurt so easily that you fail to realise your own mistakes. Stop showing other men down who genuinely care for women and maybe are true alpha men- who more than being responsible are humble and know the value of their words and actions.

Do not argue here about women who go cross lines for your attention, I am not approving of them either, because like every other time, you will not accept your fault and bring in other tangential issues. Grow up. Learn. And amend yourself.

Weekend getaway to Bir-Billing!

Thanks to my brother, last weekend I had the chance to go for paragliding to Bir-Billing, Himachal Pradesh – world’s second highest point for paragliding.

We started off with an overnight bus journey to reach Bir the next day early morning (Saturday). My co passenger was a man of 42 years of age and 3 years of being a runner. He was on his way to Bir to attend the marathon that was to be held on Sunday. While everyone else were either sleeping or busy over phone, this man and I were talking non-stop about anything we could think of – my PhD research area to his daughters who love reading, why he left his job to be a self-employed salesman to how Delhi and Kolkata were entirely different from each other.

About around 7am, we reached Bir. There is not much to do in this newly famed district. The world paragliding championship held here few years ago has brought this in lime light. The place is sparsely populated and has well maintained roads that bring in tourists from across the country.

A nearby eatery by the name Garden Café was our breakfast stop. This small café was pretty well decorated to amuse the customers and yes they had a big white dog that reminds you of Game of Thrones.

With our stomach full we headed to a nearby monastery – the Bir Monastery. A small, simple, very colorful and quiet place. You can roam around and read different expressions on the 16 statues that surround the centrally kept statue. Inside is a very peaceful learning center for the monks and kids which is also the home to large idols of Lord Buddha. The paragliding landing ground was less than 2km from our hotel, and that was our next stop. Walking down the small roads to the large open ground wasn’t so much fun because the temperature was at its maximum. But when you see huge parachutes gliding down to the ground and the overwhelmed paragliders, it is all worth it. You can feel your adrenaline shoot up, knowing that very soon you will be one of them.

Back to the hotel we took a short nap and were ready to drive up to Billing – the take off point – an 18km drive or a 1km trek.

It was on our drive that we met Yash Thakur, one of the licensed pilots and a world record maker. He has set a world record for the longest single fly in shortest time in paragliding, a whooping 230kms in just 8hrs. He took off from Billing, flew to Champa, then to Manali and then Mandi, finally landing down at Bir. Started around 8 years ago, he now flies about 8 times a day with the tourists as a pilot. And at times they have their own flying days where they explore the sky their way. Off days for us are hectic days for them, which means they need to fly starting from sunrise till late evenings. What thrilled me was something that’s called moonlight paragliding that they do once in a month for 2-3 days during the full moon. The clear sky has all its stars gleaming and the moonlight is brighter than expected, giving a very different view of the ground below. Next time, I am going to make sure to plan for this, adding camping and trekking to it. Staying overnight at a camp and then trekking to Billing is definitely a better bet than staying at a hotel.

By the time we were at Billing getting ready to take off, the sun was almost setting turning the sky from blue to red. Suited up and well tied, I was given only one instruction – to run as you are about to take off. My pilot buckled up behind me and our parachute was ready. 5-6 steps of fast walk towards the cliff end and there we went, flying in the sky. The go-pro camera attached to the selfie stick lets you capture your expressions while you can enjoy the view.

DCIM100GOPRO

It was such a different feeling to be comfortably seated and yet to know that you are up in the air. The green landscape beneath, the blue sky above and the red sun setting in front of you. What more can one ask for? My pilot, a man of proud 10 years of experience, Hardev, was glad to know that I wasn’t scared to try stunts in air. Few adjustments of the strings and we were turning left to right to almost horizontal. Once you see the blue over green and next moment green over blue. Awesome!! Totally awesome!! The landing was very fast, gliding down towards the ground with your huge parachute coming down to rest. The fly will leave you wanting for more. It’s that exhilarating!! The sun had already by now and we were seated in the ground, talking to the pilots and watching them neatly wrap and bind the parachutes for the next fly.

The next day we had to leave in the evening, so we went back to the landing ground early in the morning. It was Sunday and Bir was hosting a half-marathon that day. While the ground had paragliders landing down every now and then, the roads had hundreds of runners on their way to complete 21.1kms. The famous Palpung Sherabling Monastery was our next stop for the day. The monastery also offers retreat to both monks and nuns. The grandeur of the monastery is evident in each painting and sculpted pillars. I wonder how these monasteries give us such an immediate sense of peacefulness.

In the neighboring town Baijnath, the famous Shiva temple is located. A narrow way leads down to a tributary of Ganga. The temple is more than 1,000 years old and shows off beautiful Nagara style architect.

We started back from Baijnath ISBT to New Delhi, another overnight bus journey. This time my co-passenger was pretty quiet and I also leaned back to doze off. Next day – Monday morning – back to work, what else!!!

Looking forward to my next getaway, no idea when and where!! 😀

Strangers be strangers no more!

It’s simply amazing how the mind is much able to complicate simple things. We meet new people at every unexpected point in life and it’s these unexpected meetings with random people that bring major changes in your life. You wouldn’t even know when and how they become so important to you. I am not talking about falling in love with a randomly met stranger. I am talking about meeting someone who shows you what life is. Who brings to you the most real and unflattering image of yourself.

I think the only reason we meet them is so that we know ourselves better. We know who we really are and what we were pretending to be. You will never feel being judged by them, but at the same time they will ask you straightforward questions about things that you do. They care for you selflessly. They read you, they see you and they know your thoughts when you are yourself unsure about them. You can fight with them, plan not to talk to them ever again, ignore them for a while and do everything you can to keep yourself away from them. But in the end you will be back to them.

Not because you are weak or they came back apologizing. The person matters to you way above all these. They complete your personality. They compete you. Talking to them isn’t as important as knowing that they are fine is. What matters most to you is their smile, knowing that they are content where they are and in what they are doing. You think you miss talking to them but being with them, you sit silently just enjoying their company.

We as humans are a pretty much an insecure and confused species. We know not what we actually want and when we do realize it, we are scared to confirm. Like, if we say it or accept it, we’ll jinx it. No, that is never the case. The more we run away from ourselves or from these few people who make us see things the way it really is, the more we go deeper in the illusionist world that we have already created.

I have always been a confident and outspoken person, but at times I hesitate. I am very uncomfortable in asking people for help or talking to someone about my problems. It is like I feel that I have no rights to bother them with my issues, like I will add on their already existing tension and work. It is now that I realize that by not sharing, I am bothering them more.

One such person today told me that every time I give a fake smile and say I am fine, it is pretty obvious that I am not okay and that, is more disturbing. And another such person doesn’t need me to say or even pass a fake smile. Eyes. He can read eyes. One look at me and he knows exactly what’s wrong with me. With some people you can easily relate, easily open up and talk to, because somewhere they have been just like you. With others you just need to be quiet and enjoy their company. Just sit with them by the setting sun on a small rock and enjoy. This girl here, she explained to me how it was perfectly fine to feel screwed up and lonely even when you are with a bunch of friends.

Most of the people around do not care for you, even if they want to. One possible reason can be that they already have a lot of their own and other can be that they know that they don’t have a solution to your problem. So they help in with what is needed the most, a patient listener. Sometimes they are so useless that you know that you just need to blabber out everything in front of them, only for the need of an audience and bang on, you figure out the solution yourself.

An old friend has taught me why it is important to do things in an organized manner. Simple things like writing down your plans for the next day and reminding yourself of the same can be of such great help, this blinked on me only when this friend forced me to try it for myself. Such people, they help you grow, they nurture your personality. All such people that come into our lives, it is not necessary to talk to them each day or share everything with them. It is their mere presence in your life that makes all the difference. This person about whom I mentioned earlier, the one who can read your eyes. I haven’t been talking to him for a while, but when we are sitting together, all I want is to sit silently with him and enjoy his company. We might have our difference of opinions but in the end we know we care for each other. Talking to each other isn’t as important as is seeing that smile on their face. It’s like you cross each other, no words spoken, almost like strangers. Then turn back pretending to look at something else and there you go, the warmest smiles ever are exchanged.

I am in total awe of this slight curve that our lips make. It’s only recently that I have realized how powerful even a smile can be. You have my word on it that it is totally infectious, the genuine ones that is. No matter what you’re going through, that one smile from these special people, makes your day. It shows you reasons why this world isn’t so bad a place after all. Their smile brings a smile to your face as well, it gives you power to fight your problems and then also help others with theirs.

Life in all, by itself, teaches you a lot. And these people, they just make learning better. Thank you special ones. Blessed to have you!! 🙂

That girl.

Hey do you know that girl?

The one with an infectious smile,

She sang all day and danced all night,

Loved to run, but couldn’t walk a mile…

 

She came to me last day and asked,

If it might rain or she could drive at park?

The wheelchair was her new best friend

With the human ones, she had lost her spark.

 

I wonder whom did she blame for this?

The careless man who caused it all,

Or the little boy she tried to save?

Or herself for helping, even if she had to fall…

 

Afraid that words might hurt her, i kept quiet,

But she could read the question in my mind.

Smiling at me she said, ‘it’s no one’s fault’

I couldn’t speak, no suitable apology could i find…

 

It was I who had lost control of speed,

And my son would’ve been in her place.

She came out of nowhere to his rescue,

Pushed him away but herself lost the race…

 

She is my daughter, whom i had only cursed,

Her brother waits for her to come and play again,

She just smiles, happy to feel so loved for once,

While I can only cry, knowing well how deep is her pain…

 

So, its the Earth Day today!

Well like all other days that come and go, today is a certain Earth Day. And just like we remember the army on Independence Day, celebrate love on Valentine’s Day, and many more such, we feel concerned only on this day for our planet Earth. Let me tell you why it is an important realization that Earth Day is not for just one day!

As a child when I first learnt about the seasons, I would experience them exactly the way the text mentioned. But then, they weren’t the same anymore. Monsoons were late or irregular, summers were longer and harsh, winters were unbearable and spring lay hidden under a blanket of dust and smoke. The level of pollution have risen so high that the early morning fresh air doesn’t feel fresh anymore. This in turn is leading to all sorts of breathing ailments, all the more in children. Now these aren’t such serious concerns, right? What about the crop failure due to lack of rain and again more spoilage due to hailstorms? What about the droughts and floods? Are we even realizing what we are creating for our upcoming generations? Let me answer you very simply. We are establishing a world where we will limit them within the four walls. Aided with all sorts of facilities (not to mention the real life experience like 3-D games) and fragile immunity, we are restricting them from exploring the nature. Oh wait! Is there sufficient nature left for them to see? Or would nature to them mean the artificial gardens and eco-parks? Are there still naturally growing fruits available or have you already stocked up with the so called real fruit juices?

With the increasing population and rapid urbanization are we really being able to fulfill our needs? We have cleared forests to make industries, but then why are we still facing such large numbers of unemployment? The importance of forests is not just as a source of oxygen, this is a chain! The more you clear lands of the greenery, the more environmental stress is build and then there is lack of edible food and drinkable water. With increasing rates of basic commodities we are being financially stressed, but there is more to it. The depletion of natural resources and the urge of mankind to go back to ancient practices is making things worse for them and better for the industries. From big to small labels, everyone has been able to target this confused mind with their extraordinary marketing strategies. How much really natural and herbal is the product you bought from the supermarket last day? Or how much extra did you have to pay for something that you could have easily grown in your own garden?

There is a never ending list of how these small things together contribute to such a great cause. I am not asking you to quit everything you do and go live in the wild (there isn’t sufficient space there either). But think about it! We all are capable of making tiny sacrifices and moving a step closer to saving Earth! Just be a little careful, more observant, and most importantly, be ready to accept the fact that we have done a lot of harm to the ecosystem, more than we could ever imagine. It is because of our deeds that April is already burning with 40 plus temperature. We might start a blame game here, but do you think its worth it?

Why not step out and take things into your hands and make a difference? How about educating our children the importance of what we have lost and how to save the little that’s remaining? Maybe we could go for spend more time outdoors with them, and our children may themselves realize a thing or two. Or still better, they start asking you questions and that is exactly how you can help them learn things that the textbooks don’t mention. Don’t just use products mentioning all natural ingredients to heal your body, the body will turn into dust anyway! Go and spend time in  nature and see what you’ve done to your mother Earth. Many organizations have come forward to make this place better and prevent further damage. Even if its not possible to be a part of them, at least learn things from them and apply simple rules on our daily lives and try not to make more damage.

This is a very simple but yet difficult realization, that we need to protect the Earth. Its high time we wake up and open our otherwise blocked minds. Its your home, and She is your Mother. Be a good child, and start caring for Her. This Earth Day, make a deal with yourself that everyday henceforth will be an Earth Day and you will do whatever small you can to help. No effort is insignificant, and no thought is a waste. Today you will start alone, tomorrow one person will agree and join you and this way you will not even know how you’ve made such a great impact. Just remember that the Nature can heal itself, it has done so in the past; it is the civilization, the populations and we Humans that will get exhausted and destroyed. Come out, take a step to save yourselves and your race!!

And oh yes! Wish you a Happy Earth Day, everyday!

| Glasnost on WordPress.com

Source: | Glasnost on WordPress.com

Why are Men like what they are? -a female’s verdict

Life is a cycle… What goes around comes around…

In the present time, what the man is like and his mentality, is a strong reflection of the past generations and the way he perceives the future on basis of this mentality.

For instance, the man who is a father today knows how men were back when he was a child… so his behavior is carved out on the rudiments of what is left in his memories. He treats his wife like he saw his mother being treated, only that it may be better or worse depending on his upbringing and his own judgement. He knows how men are and so he treats his daughter in a manner that shows what kind of men he grew up with… He is concerned for his daughter like a father ought to be… but to what extend or how much his concern affects the daughter, is more important. Not because she is a girl, but because time has changed…

Some men are simply indecent and so is their mentality… they might be helpful or with other good qualities, while on the other hand, they think that they are always superior and that girls are supposed to be within the 4 walls of house… The ones outside are sluts and available…

Then there are some pseudo decent men, who are good friends, helpful and caring… but they secretly wish to get a chance and are always over friendly, and in doing so they make the girl uncomfortable… They will make unnecessary physical contacts and you can feel them gazing at you and your body.. These men aren’t just the ones whom we befriend outside home, they could also be one of the family members or relatives… They preach that girls too have equal rights but girls misuse it to attract attention… According to them, hormonal rush is only a man’s forte… “A girl doesn’t whistle at a hot guy”… To this they reply- “because you are a girl, these things don’t suit you”… Does whistling at a girl passing by suit a man?? They are strict with their daughters but the son does all he wants to do… His indecent acts are shoved off as a youthful rush of hormones…

However, it isn’t like there are’t any decent men around. There are well behaved men, who have been brought up well, with etiquette and respect. They do feel guilty at the way other men behave, but usually they don’t entirely blame the men… Their view is that, girls should be careful too, since it is not always one person at fault… Being well acquainted with the type of men around, they take efforts to protect the women in their lives from such men. Even though they give freedom to their wives, sisters and daughters, the protecting part cuts down the freedom part considerably..

Most men do not respect public figures like Sunny Leone and they feel that too much of women empowerment is somewhere the cause for all the molestation that girls face these days… Had this been true, molestation and empowerment being directly related, then the reason behind this is the fact that Men cannot accept women empowerment well. They feel women are rising above them… Becoming independent… And this in turn, hurts the male ego. So the only way that they can think to pull a woman down is by harassing her… Mentally and Physically…

They don’t understand the helplessness and the ill fate of a girl who enters into flesh trade… Of course, there are some girls who agree to do any job for easy money, but majority of the girls are forced. Both boys and girls are a part of the flesh trade, which is really sad! But men should realize that a girl usually does not willingly step into this and that it is a major decision to choose this life! When they watch pornographic videos and enjoy the excitement, then why are they not able to show minimum respect to individuals enacting them?

The media plays a critical role here… The way women are portrayed should be modified… I am sure movies with a strong script and cast will still be worth a watch, without making the actress wear such revealing clothes, even when it’s not even required. For instance, showing a housewife wearing deep, cleavage revealing dresses or an office girl wearing tiny skirts and short tops. Take a look around in the real world. That is not how women dress up in normal daily life… Is entertainment all about short clothes?

Hope someday we do realize how vital it is to first change the mentality of the society and then to expect and positive changes from the same… Each one of us make a difference and every small step taken forward influences the person behind to follow.. A girl talking about sex is not a slut and a man doesn’t become superior by forcing himself on a woman. Look out for your daughters but don’t forget to give the right values to your son… Lets try to stop everyone from doing anything wrong…

Take an effort to change the society in the Real world, not just on social media platform!!

A Futile Query…

Laughter sparkled a thought –
Bitter than the spoiled dream,
Queerer than the eerie shadow of doubt,
Why does she laugh when there’s nothing to laugh about?

Amusement? Long gone…
Surprise? Doesn’t work anymore…
Happiness? Haven’t seen that guy in a while…
Smile? Lost in the grouchy crowd.
Why does she laugh when there’s nothing to laugh about?

Aha! Could it be sheer madness?
Lost her wits, throwing fits
For an endless endeavor to sustain illogical twisted globule thread of thoughts?

Cry, Monsieur! Cry!!
Cry your heart out
Infront of her –
So that she can stop this ‘hideous act’
And I can sincerely doubt,
Why will anyone laugh when there’s nothing to laugh about?

Someone please find the source and force it out of her –
For she is now breaking the rule
Criminal, I don’t want her to be.
This insensitive puerile thing is eating my head out.
Why does she laugh when there’s nothing to laugh about?

All this petty beauty around,
All this hollow worldly emotion,
Somehow has triggered an uncontrollable reaction
In her mind…

We are standing in a crowded hall
With people hearing, but not listening,
Just staring at the ‘rule breaker’
While the rule breaker’s friend is devoting every drop of air in his lungs to shout,
“Why does she laugh when there’s nothing to laugh about?”

– written by Asmita Das.

I’m sorry I broke your heart

 

From strangers to colleagues to friends,

 We met and our friendship grew strong..

You thought you knew me very well,

But I’m sorry I proved you wrong..

 

We had fun, madness and we even fought,

We apologized but I had now built a wall..

You thought you could just fool around,

But I’m sorry I won’t forgive you at all..

 

I wasn’t shy or introvert like many,

Being bold you thought I wouldn’t frown..

You thought you had a good chance,

But I’m sorry I had to let you down..

 

We partied and spoke till late nights,

I warned but you pretended love’s part..

You thought you could play with my feelings,

But I’m sorry I broke your heart..

why am i scared?

Why am I scared?

Those eyes scan me top to bottom each time I pass them…

Those lips are twirled and licked each time I pass them…

Those mouths make lewd comments each time I pass them…

Those hands try to touch me each time I pass them…

Does all this scare me?? Should this scare me?

Well the simple and unavoidable answer is YES IT DOES… why shouldn’t it?!

Each time I step out of my house, I am mentally prepared for anything that might happen… and when I reach back home safely, I thank God and sigh with relief…

But the question here is not if I or any other girl for that matter is scared or not, the question is WHY are we scared?

Well, let’s just talk and think over it… Unbiased…

Molestation is the new trend of the era… if a girl doesn’t give you much ‘expected’ attention, your ego is hurt… you try to be a good guy-> she befriends you… then you start flirting with her-> if she flirts back, you think she is a good ‘chance’.. You try to get further-> she refuses to, says doesn’t wanna cross limits as friends-> you still take that as a YES… why? Why can’t you accept it that she is not interested in you in that way…

On the other hand, there are girls, who purposefully provoke guys to keep trying to make the girl say a yes, when they are already interested from day one… why? Why do these girls have to pretend all the time?

“To each its own” you say?? Well then sorry, we live in a society when each one’s is everyone’s..

An innocent girl being raped or a girl willingly having sex and then making up a false rape story- in both cases the totally uninvolved girl is the one who is getting mentally disturbed. It is her parents who are getting worried about her safety.

Different people from different fields have different views about it. Girls should not wear provocative dresses.. Should not be out till late.. Should not this, should not that..

Why isn’t there some should not’s for the guys?

Obviously when you are walking on road, irrespective of being a girl or boy, you will be checked out.. If for nothing else then for the ‘para’ aunties to gossip about.. So deal with it.. But being checked out is different from being stared at or being molested..

Boys and men roam about in shorts and boxers on road, with or without an upper wear.. I am not saying that girls should also be allowed to do so.. You can obviously wear what you want girls, but think about it before stepping out of your house.. Indian society has not yet accepted females wearing short dresses and roaming around on streets.. Get this clear.. Yes times are changing, but it will take time..

But having said this, girls who are dressed decently are also not spared.. Be it in buses, streets or institutes..

The whole point here is the Mentality.

The Mentality has to change..

Men need to respect Women.. Not because they are women, but because men have no right to demean them in any way.. Also remember that ‘Karma is a bitch’.. Whatever you do will come back to you.. God forbid, the girl that you commented at today, has a brother, doing the same to your sister/mother/wife/daughter at the other end of the street.. You will not even know..

And mothers of such jerks should slap their sons rather than saying that her son would never do so..

Every eye that stares at me for a bit too long, gives me jitters.. Yes I am strong enough to deal with such situations, yes I carry a pepper spray with me for safety, but if something bad has to happen, it may happen anytime anywhere.

Is the police not doing its job? I don’t know.. I do not want to start a blame game here, by blaming the system and the corrupt people around, as that will simply not help my cause.. The people themselves have to step forward and do something to make this situation better.. If you can’t stop it do not spread it…

Moreover, if a girl protests and slaps back the guy, what is the assurance that he will not come back after her? 80% of the cases given, the guy will attack back..

So how is all this going to end?

It is not a day’s matter.. Parents will have to teach their children the morals of a society, the basic meaning of discipline and how to respect others..

Rather than stopping your daughter from wearing clothes that you feel are not good, tell your son to behave..

Girls should also understand that their parents worry for them because they are their PARENTS.. Boys should stop thinking that everything being told to them is a lecture.. Try to understand what is being said, because soon there will be a female in your life..

Don’t just wake up each day and sleep back, rather wake up and live the day for a cause. Think, decide and then act. The only solution to this major problem that we are facing today, is to change your mentality towards the issue and stay alert..